One more post, please

Then my life's messier than ever. And after three months of feeling that I'm sitting on Devil's lap, my concept of what is grieving has drastically changed. I used to be a drama queen trainee in Drama Queen Inc., now I just feel like saying to my life: "bring it on, baby!" when other sad/disastrous events come up.

First day of my life videoclip

I'm basically unemployed. I have money to survive to July, August's a mistery. I spent my week thinking about different ways of blowing the HR bitch's head, who dismissed me and other 3 teachers over the phone, from distance. With a blink of an eye. I think life's never been so difficult, so stuck, so complicated. And when I get home I just don't feel like home. Great success. I'm really trying not to panic and I've been achieving good results; however, sometimes I just cry over the silliest things, like this videoclip.



So "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww", isn't it?

It made my day better.

Next step: buy stuffed animals and hug them all while watching "Bambi".

NOT.

I believe in musical orientation

He's got lame musical taste. Terrible. The first time I was in his car, he gently said:

"Pick a CD for us to listen"

The following moments were painful - seriously, his CD collection brought tears to my eyes, tears of sorrow (drama queen mode on) - and I couldn't say anything like "GOSH THESE CDS ARE A BUNCH OF CRAP" because it's not nice and he can't be blamed for his taste. He's young and still have plenty of time to be rescued from that world of noises that him, his friends and 90% of brazilians call music. I'm obviously being very tolerant here and I'm obviously not referring to samba or to good brazilian music. I'm talking about shitty rock n'roll. Brasil has excellent musicians, unfortunately the good ones are not well known. Popular brazilian rock is horrible. Songs are all the same, lyrics are the poorest and this mix results in something annoying.

Not to mention the very very popular brazilian music, Carnaval music, which is also poor and annoying, but when you're drunk is 50% nice. When you're drunk in the middle of a crowd with friends is almost nice, I'd say 90%. But this is the kind of music that you listen in a specific moment/occasion. It's not the kind of music one listens at home, to relax or to enjoy something good. So not at home, not to realx, not in the car.

Talking about cars, let's go back to my little situation. Open CD case, ANY possible to be chosen, my self control almost killing me. Then he said:

"You don't like any of those, right? You hate them, right?"

He knows me. God blesses him. And the magic of going out with someone who already knows you a little is: you CAN answer back 'cause he'll know it's just the way you are. And I said:

"Soooooorry, but I really don't like them! Any any of them! So, you pick one"

That's what I call democracy. He said I could bring my music next time and we'd listen. I said I'd record a special CD for him and he said he'll hate it and will listen to it only while I'm in the car, but he's lying. I also know him. And he was trying to pick on me. That's what boys do, right? I remember that some years ago I didn't care much about music and a guy brought me to the good side of life, introducing me to some good music. I can do that for my boy, can't I? I enjoy his company so much, we have fun together, he just needs musical salvation.

So, here I am, choosing tunes for his CD. Only the good old indie rock, to start off. After he falls in love with this one, I record another one, let's say, more open-minded - older songs, Amy, Duffy, Feist, Pink Martini, Funk Como le Gusta... And please, whoever reads this and thinks I'm being arrogant for talking like this about someone else's music taste, bear in mind it's not arrogancy, it's reality.

Selected songs, not all of them will go on this first CD:

Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)
Arctic Monkeys - Dancing Shoes
Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Francisco
Arctic Monkeys - I Bet that You Look Good on the Dancefloor
Cake - Short Skirt, Long Jacket
Cake - Never There
Cake - I Will Survive
Franz Ferdinand - Take me Out
Franz Ferdinand - This Fire
Franz Ferdinand - Michael
Franz Ferdinand - Do You Want To
Kaiser Chiefs - Na na na na na
Kaiser Chiefs - Everyday I Love You Less and Less
Le Tigre - Deceptacon
Libertines - Can't Stand me Now
Muse - Sing for Absolution
Muse - Time is Running Out
Muse - Starlight
Muse - Black Holes and Revelations
Muse - Knights of Cydonia
The Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice
The Fratellis - Whistle for The Choir
The Killers - For Reasons Unknown
The Killers - When You Were Young
The Killers - Somebody Told Me
The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It
The Killers - Mr. Brightside
Te Rapture - Pieces of the People We Love
The Rapture - Don Gon Do It
The Strokes - Last Night

Any suggestions? Please, tell me!

(Yes, I love Killers and Muse. Muse is coming to Brasil next month and I simply can't wait!)

Dream a little dream of me

I have this creepy-weird thing about dreams. Like, I dream about someone and in the next days the person shows up saying that needed to talk to me. Or missed me. It already happened that I dreamt with a friend and when I checked my emails in the morning, BAM! an e-mail of him. Some years ago this thing was so strong specifically with one friend that, whenever she appeared in my dreams, in the next day I'd call her and already ask: "what happened, I dreamt about you". And there was always something.

I can't explain this. And I try not to think of it because I know it is something that cannot be explained and if it cannot be explained I have difficulties in handling it. So I just face it as something weird, just more one of the weird things in my so called life. I'm sure Freud would have something to tell me but he's dead and psychiatrists are expensive. Mediums would also have some kind of explanation, but I'd rather not think about karma and all this spiritual stuff.

The creepiest dreams are the ones that happened, in some way, some days later. Silly situations, but still, you're there, living your life and suddenly you remember that something very similar already happened some days ago - in your dreams. I really don't like it. It could be déja vu, I know, but it's not. And yes, I've already researched about déja vus and how they happen inside our brains.

Last night I dreamt about this guy who I used to love. I'd say he was the only one who I loved. I'd also say that what we had is one of those stories that change your life forever and remains forever in your heart - even if you never see this person again. Needless to say he's special. Needless to say I care about him and know he cares about me - in his own way. Well, in this dream he showed up and said he's getting married.

And I really don't know what to think about it. I mean, I wish him all the happiness in the world, but I can't help thinking that he'll call me on the MSN and say that he's getting married.

How creepy could that be, huh?

My reasons to visit Denmark

My good danes are leaving. Actually, there are only two left here in São Paulo - but they'll be gone soon. Needless to say I already miss them all. My constant companies in the last months, my gardian angels who carried me when I was passed out in the middle of a samba school, my good friends who supported me, made me laugh, danced with me, were by my side and made me get drunk. How could I not love them?

Copenhagen 2009, here I go!