I'm gonna borrow some words from people who express themselves much better than me. And, even more than that, they could find words that I couldn't find to say things that I simply can't talk about. At least now. You know, I've waited my whole life for this. My WHOLE life. As far as I can remember, the revelation I got today is one of the things I yearned for the most in my life. The truth is heavy. Almost unbearable. The truth hurts.
I could hurt you now
(Aimee Mann)
This is for the one who was false
Who taught me about building walls
One who could always turn it around
To leave me here on shaky ground
This is for the one who made good
In someone else's neighborhood
One who was never anything but
The shifty eye of sheer bad luck
Once I thought that I would never forget
And I have not quite done that yet
But I could hurt you now
I could hurt you now
This is for the time that I lost
The death of who I thought I was
The things in which I cannot believe
For fear I'll wear them on my sleeve
Things I know that will never be returned
But I crossed that bridge before it burned
So I could hurt you now
I could hurt you now
I could hurt you now
I could hurt you now
Maybe it leaves an invisible scar
But I have not come quite that far but
I could hurt you now
I could hurt you now
sábado, 12 de abril de 2008
Almost 30 fucking years - Part II
How could anybody possibly know how I feel?
(Morrissey)
(...)
But even I, as sick as I am,
I would never be you
Even I, as sick as I am,
I would never be you
Even I, sick and depraved,
A traveller to the grave
I would never be you
I would never be you.
(Morrissey)
(...)
But even I, as sick as I am,
I would never be you
Even I, as sick as I am,
I would never be you
Even I, sick and depraved,
A traveller to the grave
I would never be you
I would never be you.
Almost 30 fucking years - Part III
And now, for something that is not completely different, a little bit of hope.
Hang on Little Tomato
(Pink Martini)
The sun has left and forgotten me
It's dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I'm gonna drownIn a sea
Of deep confusion
Somebody told me, I don't know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you're feelin' all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find
You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it's dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love
Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something's coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead
And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you
Hang on Little Tomato
(Pink Martini)
The sun has left and forgotten me
It's dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I'm gonna drownIn a sea
Of deep confusion
Somebody told me, I don't know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you're feelin' all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find
You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it's dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love
Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something's coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead
And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you
quinta-feira, 10 de abril de 2008
Life's impermanent
From Wikipedia:
"A virtuous circle or a vicious circle is a complex of events that reinforces itself through a feedback loop toward greater instability. A virtuous circle (or virtuous cycle) has favorable results, and a vicious circle (or vicious cycle) has deleterious results. A virtuous circle can transform into a vicious circle if eventual negative feedback is ignored."
Usually life happens deviously. We never know what is going to happen or what is going to change or, going further, where it's gonna stop. By "It" I mean this bitch we call life. 'Cause sorry if I hurt your optimistic and pollyanish views about it, but something that is worth of trust presents some kind of permanence, perpetuity, durability, imperishability (yes, I know how to use a Thesaurus). How could you possibly trust something that changes completely from today to tomorrow? That's almost a woman PMSing - you never know what's about to show up: would it be the crying needy girl or the bitchy moany whining monster? The problem is that besides being untrustworthy and devious, life sometimes decides to play tricks on us, poor human race. That's where the virtuous/vicious circles say hello to everybody. That's funny how situations may happen twice after years and then happen again after more years. It seems that either life wants to show that you're dumb enough not to having learned anything from the first time and forces you to go through a similar situation again as in "it's now or never you moron" or that Karma thing is really true and you simply have to go through that ordeal from time to time. By ordeal I mean any kind of dilemma: professional, amouréuse, whatever. Then you remember: "oh, this has already happened to me". But the decision you took one year ago is not the same kind you need to take now because even though the situations are similar and you're living in some sort of virtuous circle, life, that bitch, has changed. And so have you.
Last year I wrote a text where I say that life's very impermanent. I'm not going through exactly the same situations this year, some things have, thank God, changed. But the paragraph that talks about impermanency is so true. Life may change in a second and you may be caught short-handed and not have the faintest idea about what to do. But then you stop. Cry. Think. Curse again. And decide. Then just adapt. Or readapt. Or reinvent yourself.
Unfortunately I can't say that "My way" would be having God choosing for me. I already believe in destiny, that's enough. Our choices are of our own responsibility and knowing how to cope with them is the only possible way of turning life into less of a bitch and more of a Grandma with a plate of warm cookies, as I've written in another text.
So, that's it. Yes, life changes suddenly. Yes, the things you believed to be certain are not, never. Yes, life can be interesting, despite deviousness and circles and repetitions and impermanence. And, finally, yes, life's a bitch, but, let's be honest: it's better a bitch than a nun.
"A virtuous circle or a vicious circle is a complex of events that reinforces itself through a feedback loop toward greater instability. A virtuous circle (or virtuous cycle) has favorable results, and a vicious circle (or vicious cycle) has deleterious results. A virtuous circle can transform into a vicious circle if eventual negative feedback is ignored."
Usually life happens deviously. We never know what is going to happen or what is going to change or, going further, where it's gonna stop. By "It" I mean this bitch we call life. 'Cause sorry if I hurt your optimistic and pollyanish views about it, but something that is worth of trust presents some kind of permanence, perpetuity, durability, imperishability (yes, I know how to use a Thesaurus). How could you possibly trust something that changes completely from today to tomorrow? That's almost a woman PMSing - you never know what's about to show up: would it be the crying needy girl or the bitchy moany whining monster? The problem is that besides being untrustworthy and devious, life sometimes decides to play tricks on us, poor human race. That's where the virtuous/vicious circles say hello to everybody. That's funny how situations may happen twice after years and then happen again after more years. It seems that either life wants to show that you're dumb enough not to having learned anything from the first time and forces you to go through a similar situation again as in "it's now or never you moron" or that Karma thing is really true and you simply have to go through that ordeal from time to time. By ordeal I mean any kind of dilemma: professional, amouréuse, whatever. Then you remember: "oh, this has already happened to me". But the decision you took one year ago is not the same kind you need to take now because even though the situations are similar and you're living in some sort of virtuous circle, life, that bitch, has changed. And so have you.
Last year I wrote a text where I say that life's very impermanent. I'm not going through exactly the same situations this year, some things have, thank God, changed. But the paragraph that talks about impermanency is so true. Life may change in a second and you may be caught short-handed and not have the faintest idea about what to do. But then you stop. Cry. Think. Curse again. And decide. Then just adapt. Or readapt. Or reinvent yourself.
Unfortunately I can't say that "My way" would be having God choosing for me. I already believe in destiny, that's enough. Our choices are of our own responsibility and knowing how to cope with them is the only possible way of turning life into less of a bitch and more of a Grandma with a plate of warm cookies, as I've written in another text.
So, that's it. Yes, life changes suddenly. Yes, the things you believed to be certain are not, never. Yes, life can be interesting, despite deviousness and circles and repetitions and impermanence. And, finally, yes, life's a bitch, but, let's be honest: it's better a bitch than a nun.
quarta-feira, 9 de abril de 2008
YAY! Paper!
Some people like french fries with ice cream. Other people can't put their socks on without counting their toes before. Some people are so crazy about soccer that they barely breath during a soccer match. No, actually some not only breath as also scream, yell, shout, curse, punch the floor, cry. Because of eleven men running after a ball. Super cool. I know some people who wash their hands every 10 minutes or so. Others like to listen to Michael Bolton tunes - pretending to be him.
Me?
I like paper stores.
My drawings are childish and I'm nor artistic at all. But still, I could spend a long time (not hours, just to be very clear) testing pens, looking at all those brushes, papers and checking out all the stationery items that have always caught my eyes. I've always liked paper stores, since I was a kid. Of course I love book stores and I have this girlie "cliché" thing for shoe stores and clothes stores. But I feel really good when I'm in a paper store, surrounded by... well, papers of all colors, checking out all the new cute notebooks in the market of notebooks.
Because of this apparently weird taste of mine I had this conversation last Saturday:
"You know a kind of store that I really like? Besides make-up and shoes?"
"Tell me..."
"Paper stores."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, paper stores."
"But do you draw?"
"No."
"Are you an artist and I didn't know?"
"Nope."
"So WHY paper stores?"
"Because it's nice, all those colorful pens... I feel good."
"I can understand why... YAAAAY PAPERS!"
"Hey, don't mock me! I've met other people who like paper stores too."
"Where have you met them? In paper stores?"
"No, in life..."
"Alright. I bet it was in a FREAK MEETING of FREAK PEOPLE who like paper stores."
"I'm not a freak!"
"PA-PERRR!"
"Ok, stop. Let's go to the bookstore, you want to buy some books and I'm gonna show you two of my favorite authors."
"No, thanks. I can't trust a woman who likes paper stores."
"You can trust my literary taste. It's really very good. I suck at Math but I'm a good reader."
"No. PAPER. STORE."
If people have the most different tastes for the most different things, why is it so weird that I like all the colorful items in a paper store?
That's why in my way things would be something like this:
"You know a kind of store that I really like? Besides make-up and shoes?"
"Tell me..."
"Paper stores."
"Seriously? That's cool. Actually, that's very authentic!"
"Yeah, I know. And because of that you deserve a kiss!"
See? Compliment and kiss, this is the portrait of a beautiful scene.
(And after writing this I conclude that women will always be girls, men will always be boys, no matter where and no matter how old they are. Not that I'm old - you know that I'm still young and sweet, only twenty nine. Anyway, "my way" is cute because it has a kiss and kisses are always welcomed, but the truth is that the original dialogue was pretty cool. I like having that kind of conversation. Or argument. Or silly talking. And, let's face it, men are usually very good at picking on girls, women are good at... I don't know. Answering back? Pretending we're pissed? Anyway. You understood.)
Me?
I like paper stores.
My drawings are childish and I'm nor artistic at all. But still, I could spend a long time (not hours, just to be very clear) testing pens, looking at all those brushes, papers and checking out all the stationery items that have always caught my eyes. I've always liked paper stores, since I was a kid. Of course I love book stores and I have this girlie "cliché" thing for shoe stores and clothes stores. But I feel really good when I'm in a paper store, surrounded by... well, papers of all colors, checking out all the new cute notebooks in the market of notebooks.
Because of this apparently weird taste of mine I had this conversation last Saturday:
"You know a kind of store that I really like? Besides make-up and shoes?"
"Tell me..."
"Paper stores."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, paper stores."
"But do you draw?"
"No."
"Are you an artist and I didn't know?"
"Nope."
"So WHY paper stores?"
"Because it's nice, all those colorful pens... I feel good."
"I can understand why... YAAAAY PAPERS!"
"Hey, don't mock me! I've met other people who like paper stores too."
"Where have you met them? In paper stores?"
"No, in life..."
"Alright. I bet it was in a FREAK MEETING of FREAK PEOPLE who like paper stores."
"I'm not a freak!"
"PA-PERRR!"
"Ok, stop. Let's go to the bookstore, you want to buy some books and I'm gonna show you two of my favorite authors."
"No, thanks. I can't trust a woman who likes paper stores."
"You can trust my literary taste. It's really very good. I suck at Math but I'm a good reader."
"No. PAPER. STORE."
If people have the most different tastes for the most different things, why is it so weird that I like all the colorful items in a paper store?
That's why in my way things would be something like this:
"You know a kind of store that I really like? Besides make-up and shoes?"
"Tell me..."
"Paper stores."
"Seriously? That's cool. Actually, that's very authentic!"
"Yeah, I know. And because of that you deserve a kiss!"
See? Compliment and kiss, this is the portrait of a beautiful scene.
(And after writing this I conclude that women will always be girls, men will always be boys, no matter where and no matter how old they are. Not that I'm old - you know that I'm still young and sweet, only twenty nine. Anyway, "my way" is cute because it has a kiss and kisses are always welcomed, but the truth is that the original dialogue was pretty cool. I like having that kind of conversation. Or argument. Or silly talking. And, let's face it, men are usually very good at picking on girls, women are good at... I don't know. Answering back? Pretending we're pissed? Anyway. You understood.)
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