Reality bites

Then, even though I like him, I had to let him go. I have to, since, apparently, we haven't actually let each other go. We talk. And talk again. And we both agree that it's not the time for turning our relationship into something official. And we both agree we're TOO different and that would get on our way in the future. But we can't stop talking. My heart still beats faster every time I see him. And I still look silly whenever he's around me. And he still acts silly when I'm around. It's pathetic, mainly because we both pretend we're cool. Exactly because we both agreed we should refrain things for a bit. In the normal people world, refraining wouldn't mean to speak every day nor act the way we act with each other. Refraining would be the opposite of that, actually.

I told him today that I don't understand what's going on with me. If he were any other guy I'd already had broken up - for good. I wouldn't still laugh whenever he makes jokes after I say something serious because that gets on my nerves - but still, I end up being like the most patient and comprehensive woman on Earth. Why? Not sure even if a psychologist would explain that. And it's not love (musical pause 1: The Smiths singing "if it's not love, then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, that will keep us together"). No, no, no (musical pause 2: Amy Winehouse singing loudly her "NO, NO, NO" on Rehab). It's not because I know what is love (musical pause 3: Haddaway (you can laugh, I'm laughing) singing "What is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more"). Yes, I know. And this definitely isn't. But I can't say I haven't fallen for him. Or am falling.

So I had to let him go and I have to let him go but it just doesn't feel right. I mean, the right thing is to finish this story. This is being SENSIBLE. Where would this thing go? Where this would lead us? He doesn't want anything serious now. I want. Or at least I want to feel that there's some kind of future. A proper relationship with trips on the weekends, me at his place, him at my place, a looo-oooo-oooot of sex, companionship, meeting friends, etc etc etc. Things that we may even have now, but it's not enough. For instance, he knows my mother, but not officially. I know his mother and she doesn't like me at all. In a proper relationship in Camiland that'd be unacceptable. Because in Camiland parents try to be nice to girlfriends/boyfriends because they want their sons/daughters to be happy. My mother thinks my "relationship" is a joke and his mother thinks I'm going to corrupt her "baby" son or something like that.

Couldn't things be simpler? Couldn't things be MY WAY? My way he'd be older and not panic with the word "relationship". My way, my way...